The DEVIL Rants: 2007

Friday, November 30, 2007

INVITATIONS FOR MY WEDDING SENT OUT BY MY MOTHER

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

The Value of a Drink

"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink I feel shame. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes and dreams .. If I didn't drink this wine, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this wine and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."

~ Jack Handy~

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra and panties.

""I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. "

~Frank Sinatra~

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.

"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."

~ Henny Youngman ~

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.

""24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not."

~ Stephen Wright ~

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.

"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!"

~ Brian O'Rourke ~

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.

"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."

~ Benjamin Franklin ~

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.

"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza."

~ Dave Barry ~

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.

"To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group. Salvation in a can! "

~ Dave Howell ~

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.

And saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff Clavin, of Cheers.

One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the BuffaloTheory to his buddy Norm. Here's how it went:

"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not

Monday, October 29, 2007

WHO SAYS THE DEVIL DONT HAVE A FACE?

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Why I FIRED my secretary!!!

Erotic Story

Why I fired my secretary...Two weeks ago was my 45th birthday, and I wasn't feeling too hot that morning anyway.

I went to breakfast knowing my wife would be pleasant and say "Happy Birthday," and probably have a present for me. She didn't even say"Good Morning," let alone any "Happy Birthday."I thought, "Well, that's wives for you, the children will remember." The children came in to breakfast and didn't say a word. When I started to leave for the office I was feeling pretty low and despondent.

As I walked into my office, my secretary, Janet, said, "Good morning, boss. Happy Birthday." And I felt a little better; someone had remembered. I worked until noon. Then, Janet knocked on my door and said "You know, it's such abeautiful day outside and it's your birthday, let's go to lunch, just you and me."I said, "By George, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go."

We went to lunch.We didn't go where we normally go; we went out to the country to a little private place. We had two martinis and enjoyed lunch tremendously. On the way back to the office, she said, "You know, it's such abeautiful day. We don't need to go back to the office, do we?" I said, "No, I guess not."She said, "Let's go to my apartment."

After arriving at her apartment she said, "Boss, if you don't mind, I think I'll go into the bedroom and slip into something more comfortable.""Sure," I replied excitedly.She went into the bedroom and, in about six minutes, she came outcarrying a big birthday cake, followed by my wife, children, and dozens of our friends, all singing Happy Birthday.

And there I sat... on the couch... naked.

THE END.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

MISSING (HAVE YOU SEEN HIM)

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Merdeka FREE FOOD & BOOZE Bloggers PARTY

Come one come all, happy 50th Merdeka FREE BOOZE AND FOOD come and celebrate MERDEKA , FREE FOR ALL......... AT CLUB SRI DAMANSARA ........PARTY STARTS 31st AUGUST 2007 8:00 PM till late, PARTY TILL YOU DROP!!!!!